


Too close and you'll B#RN

by dumb_bithc_mc



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angsty?, Gen, Gowon is sad;(, Oneshot, angry Hyejoo:O, bruh just stan loona, burn - Freeform, fantasy?, hyewon, icarus - Freeform, kind of angst, magical ooo, omg idk what to put here lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21977848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumb_bithc_mc/pseuds/dumb_bithc_mc
Summary: Ever since Chaewon got out of school, her life have been different. It's lonely, depressing. She have grown away from her friends and it's as she's imprisoned by the endless and repeating cycle of her everyday life. Maybe she's actually quite literally imprisoned?New, worrying and reoccuring dreams come up night after night, breaking her normal routines. The dreams appear as well with her old best friend, out of the blue. What do these ominous nightmares mean, are they really just nightmares?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Too close and you'll B#RN

**Author's Note:**

> This was written with a project that was created by @loonachos from Twitter! 
> 
> I'm not a native speaker, so I'm apologising in advance for the possible grammatical errors. I'm still learning! But I hope you'll enjoy this anyways :) I really appreciate feedback though.
> 
> Please keep in mind that the loonaverse can be interpreted in different ways, and this is just my version of what I wanted to write for the keyword BURN.
> 
> Twt: @dumb_bithc_mc

I was caught up in a complete panic. So frantic that I didn’t even notice my breathing that was on the verge of hyperventilation, nor my heart that was close to exploding like a balloon under too much pressure. The adrenaline pumping in my body was the only thing keeping me running up these seemingly endless stairs. If I would have been in my right mind, I would have passed out by now. But I kept running and running. Not actually being aware of what I was really running from but I knew I had to get away. Maybe it was from someone, someone dangerous. Or  _ something? _ Maybe I was so frantically trying to get away from reality and time itself, which seemed impossible but then again, I don't think I'm in a world that likes to follow rules.

Suddenly I fell.

The stairs had suddenly stopped and nowhere to be seen. Instead of being chased in a dark and ominous endless staircase, I was now located on the floor of an old looking room of stone. With confused eyes I took a look at my surroundings. The room looked to be something from forever ago, with only a window without any glass in front of me.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, where am I? With now bleeding knees I get off the stone floor and walk up to the window. Through the window I only see ocean, and ocean. Angry waves hitting this tower that I seemingly located myself in the top of. The sun was soon getting swallowed whole by the sea, and the only source of light I had left vanished quicker than ever. It all felt hopeless. Even though I wasn’t scared any longer, or badly injured. I felt sick. How am I getting myself out of  _ here? _ There wasn’t even a damn door out of this prison. Slowly I let myself fall down onto the cold stone floor and leaned against the rough wall. I buried my face in my hands and just stared out into nothingness, zoning out with a screaming head. My eyes were drier than they have ever been, even though I felt like bawling. 

“You’ll get used to it. Trust me, I’ve been here for long enough to know.” A voice noted from  the darkest corner of the room.

I look to the source of the voice but it was too dark to tell that anyone was there. Too exhausted to get startled. Deep down I knew that there was no use of getting threatened, they’re weak like me. I blinked a few times, thinking of a way to answer the being but nothing came to my mind. Instead I just stayed quiet.

“No need to be so depressing. Light a candle, y’know? Do something.” The voice suggested with a monotone voice.

A candle? Where the hell would I get a candle? Irritated loud thoughts circled my head but before I even could open my mouth a small but comforting light appeared in front of me. It was an actual candle burning by the window. The small and beautiful light gave me some hope and peace. I guess I had given away a smile that the being in the dark corner had noticed.

“I find it funny how fire can bring such hope. But at the right amount. Controlled and domesticated fire. We like to avoid thinking about of how destructive fire is, and will forever be. We run away from it, like frantic deer fleeing from a burning forest. Even though we’re the ones who sparked the fire in the first place... “ The voice sighed. “But you, Chaewon...”

My heart sank. They knew my name. I opened my mouth, trying to respond but I just couldn’t form words. Everything coming out from the dark corner made little to no sense, but I knew I had to use every little energy I had left to try to listen. This was probably important, too important to let it slip by my exhausted and hurting head.

“You’ve always been different Chaewon. Lucky not to have gotten burnt yet of how close you are to the burning fire. You were never really scared, even though you had to listen to my endless warnings. It’s like your natural instinct to be scared doesn’t exist, it’s just the other way around. Almost like you want to be close to the detrimental flames. But you will get burned, that’s for sure. Your wings won’t fly much longer as the fire will destroy them, quicker than you know it.” The voice ended with a small hoarse chuckle.

I squinted my eyes. I could hardly make any sense of this all, but I knew they were wrong. I won’t get destroyed by some fire.

“Trust me, I won’t.” I spat out from out of nowhere. It must had caught the source of the voice by surprise.

“Oh. You won’t? Don’t get too close then. Too close to the  _ comforting _ warmth, the  _ bright _ sun or fly too high. It’s all fire anyways, and you’ll burn.”

An obnoxious and loud noise started to ring in my ears, louder and louder. It didn’t take much longer before I recognised it as my alarm. I opened my tired eyes and looked around. I’m in my bed, at home. It was all a dream, right? I should be happy to wake up to get away from the dark prison but my reality didn’t fall too far from how I felt in that tower. Trapped, without an escape in the middle of the cold and dark ocean.

With a groan I get out of my warm and soft bed, and head straight for the shower. The shower where time seemed to have no value nor even exist. It was the only stop before I had to head out of my safe bed and into the cold harsh world.

I could sit here on the shower floor for hours or so what. I never actually knew for how long, but in the end it didn't really matter. When I turned off the shower the silence around me seemed louder than the running water. With an absent mind I just banged my head against the wet wall, trying to swallow and drown out the voice telling me to go back to bed and quit my job. In the end though, I won the fight and went on with my day like an adult like me should if they want a paycheck.

  
  


Today was like every other day, working until dark, dealing with these obnoxious idiots always doing their best to completely destroy my very last patience.

But I've been lost in my thoughts for the most part. When I tried to focus my mind just kind of on it's own slipped to the strange and ominous dream I had last night. It left me unnerved. Truly feeling like I had to act on something, if I only knew how and on what?

The sight of tall tower imprisoning the middle of the sea came back to me one too many times and when I came back to reality the last time I found myself sitting on my desk in a dark empty office. I looked around me in total confusion. Did I really not notice that it was time to get home?

I checked the time on my computer in front of me. 

"Mhm, thirty minutes ago my shift ended." I murmured and felt a shiver run down my spine.  Damn, this was starting to freak me out a little… Did the weird dream really make me zone out that much?

But before I could start to become paranoid I started to gather my things and cleaned up a bit on my desk before I walked out of the office with a quick pace. I made myself to the bus stop. It was dark outside now, I had hardly seen the sun today either. But it didn’t really matter. I looked up at the empty dark sky without any stars. The being’s voice that had spoken to me in my dream ringed in my head.

“Well, I’m sure not getting too close to the sun when I don’t even get the opportunity to lay my eyes on it. Hah, this is so dumb... “ I chuckled a bit to myself, not thinking about the fact that maybe someone else is here with me.

“Sorry- Did you say anything?” A girl from beside me asked me with a polite voice, she took out one headphone out of her right ear.

She startled me with her sudden appearance. Or, that’s what it had seemed to me at least… I could had sworn that I was alone a moment ago, but that’s probably not true. Now I threw an eye around me to check if there were anyone else around but there’s not a single soul in sight.

“Oh! Ah... no. Actually.. I'm just, you know? Yeah, I’m sorry” A nervous giggle left my lips in embarrassment as I had stammered my way through a broken sentence. Great.

  
The girl in front of me had shiny black hair with piercing dark eyes, eyes that I’ve felt bore into my soul before. They were familiar. My heart sank when I realized who it was. It was Hyejoo. That Hyejoo. Son Hyejoo.

She looked down at me, and I really could not process the emotion that she portrayed. There was no way in trying to read her. But she did get me unnerved. Maybe it was me who perceived everything in slow motion, but it truly felt like it took forever for her to respond. When she finally did though, it felt incredibly forced and unnatural. A smile curled up on her red pointy lips. A smile that I would appreciate very much in another situation than this. 

“Holy shit. Is that really you? Chaewon?” She laughed and looked at me with a smile plastered all over her face.

“Oh, I just knew I recognised you! Oh my god, hi! It’s been so long.” I meet her with an awkward and quick hug.

  
  


We took the same bus together home. Me and my old, old friend Hyejoo.    
I hadn’t seen her in years, it truly felt unreal seeing her sit on the seat beside me, getting lit up by the small street lights. We had so much to talk about, so much to catch each other up on. But we never did. Something inside of me was keeping me from opening my mouth much more than what I had to. It was the nagging worry and shame. There sure was a reason as to why it was such a long time ago we saw each other, and I would had apologised already if it would had made a difference. But reality isn’t black and white. 

During the whole ride home I was on the edge of my seat. So unnerved and afraid that she would lash out on me, start screaming and taking revenge of my previous actions. But she never did. Those dark sorrowful eyes kept digging deeper into my soul, hitting me more painfully each time. But she never said anything out of the ordinary and it was pure torture.  _ Except _ for when she reacted when I told her about my living situation at the moment. How I felt like I was trapped all alone in this apartment and shitty job without much else to do.

She looked at me with concerned eyes and told me "Oh, please tell me when everything's too much, alright? I'll help you out, trust me. I have a plan."

But before I could really ask her about what she was babbling about it was time for me to get off. I was paranoid, and scared that she'd go after me and beat me up outside of the bus. But she never did. All she did was to smile and wave politely.

On my way back home that night I hardly could see in front of me, I was completely blinded by my tears running down endlessly. The tears that hardly stopped until my head had hit my pillow. My head full of aching anxiety and enormous question marks. What was that plan Hyejoo was talking about? What am I doing here?

“And who am I supposed to be?” I cried out in despair. “Are you trying to begin on a new life? Pretending to have forgotten about your… your little mistakes, huh? Just what are you doing..?”

I felt my eyes starting to hurt from the salty angry tears and so I rolled onto my back, making me face the empty white ceiling while taking deep breaths. Trying my best to calm down.  The memories played back to me so very vividly.

How I had met these wonderful friends in school. The people that made me feel just enough alive to keep going, but it was hard as we were going to the most hellish and harshest school that there was. Hyejoo was one of those people. But she didn’t really take up much space at all. To be honest, my other friends kind of freezed her out. No, more than that, they were horrible to her! But me and Hyejoo were something else. Even though I joined in with the bullying towards the innocent and poor girl I never found it to be anything right. I actually had something very special with Hyejoo when we were alone. A mutual understanding and respect of each other. It was something I had never felt before. But one night my friends had planned to runaway from town completely and rebell as the dumb teens we were. Of course I had to join in, of course leaving the poor Hyejoo all alone in that hell of a school. To this day it's still my biggest regret.

I sighed. I can't even begin to imagine the hardships she went through on her own. Without a helping hand or a comfort crowd.

Trying to set myself on different thoughts I pulled up my phone and opened Instagram. Oh, Instagram. My favourite thing on earth, right? It was as if the app just kills time and my happiness as if it's black magic. Trapping me in the infinite scrolling, forcing my exhausted eyes on people that I pretend to know and like. But I'm just here, jealous like everyone else.

Then my eyes fell upon her a glowing goddess living her best years. She had a beaming smile in every picture. But also a clothing style and a way to do her makeup that one can only dream of. Her name is Sooyoung.

Sooyoung was made to be prom queen, as she always got to be. And I don’t know how to describe her better than that. She is a smart, ethereal prom queen in her daily.

I met her back then, at that hellish school. Quickly and quite naturally she became a close friend, surprisingly. Me and the others in our tight group of friends were so close, it felt like I would never lose them. But, oh… How wrong I was. Today when I look through her photos with thousands of likes, it feels like I'm locking eyes with a stranger. It felt unbelievable that we were that close of friends. Even though I never really knew how she was feeling deep down inside. She felt close at the time, but in a place far away. Honestly, it was quite intimidating. It really reminded me of how Hyejoo was acting some moments ago.

Even though that was the way she was acting around me, I can’t say the same for another girl, Jiwoo. They were closer than I’ve ever seen two friends be. And I believe they’re still friends for sure.

I opened Jiwoo’s instagram profile with a soft subtle smile. There I saw the bright girl that I once knew so well. She had grown up now, I could tell. Even though she still kept on to her adorable bright concept. Her whole instagram was flooded with peachy calm tones, pastel outfits, photos of friends and big smiles. Some photos of her and Sooyoung didn’t catch me by surprise either, of course they’re still friends. 

“It’s just… Me, huh? Who’s alone.” I exited Jiwoo’s profile and came across someone else. It made me suddenly remember. “Oh and, Hyejoo. Hyejoo is alone.”

Her posts made me furrow my eyebrows in perplexion and some small but nagging worry. It wasn’t as bad when I just saw her photos of numerous things with that red lighting. Things such as lighters, candles and scenery. Occasionally some shots of herself, but always without her face in frame.

But what really hit my in the stomach and made me lose all of the air in my lungs was the captions. The fucking captions. I stared in disbelief at the sinister the text that she had written below her almost threatening posts. It all hit way too close from home, too close from a familiar and very worrying dream.

“The butterfly’s wings flap and spark until they’ve turned into complete ash.”

“Don’t get too close to the seemingly comforting and bright sun, it’s all fire and you’ll burn.”

That night I had trouble sleeping, it felt like I had twisted and sighed for an eternity in my bed. Until I finally fell asleep. I fell into a dark, alternative reality that I recognised immediately.

It wasn’t as pitch black as last time, here in the tower. Outside it looked like the sun was going down, or going up for all I know. A subtle red light was glowing far away in the horizon, giving me a little bit of hope. I looked around the room. Underneath the window laid a pile of feathers in different shades of white, grey, brown and black.

“What’s all this? Where did these come from..?” I asked the being from the dark corner with a raspy and tired voice.

“..Oh, you’ve finally decided to show up here again. Well you know, I'm trying to come up with a plan. Use your head a little, we need to get out of here somehow. Also, there’s birds around here, flying, like birds do. Sometimes feathers fly inside through the window, if we’re lucky.” The voice explained, as if I'm completely stupid.

I didn’t bother asking what they were planning to do with the feathers or why they just didn’t make them magically appear like the candle last time I was here. But I knew that the sense of logic just wasn’t the same here in this dreamworld. Especially if you originally come from here. My mind wandered a bit while I watched the red light in the far distance. Time must flow funny here, huh? It must have taken an eternity from the time I was here last time, just looking at how many feather there is already.

I rolled my eyes at how I'm trying to make sense of this recurring dream as if it’s something more than a dream. It really wasn’t. But I guess anything is better than shifting my focus onto my limbs going numb from the biting cold. I didn’t have to stay there for long though, until I woke up from my alarm like last time. With close to dead eyes I stare up towards the ceiling, really wondering of how much longer I can even keep on going. But I did today though. Even though I had no idea if I'm going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow morning.

Today hardly went by. It felt as if I wasn’t even going to have the energy to solely live, when it wasn’t even time for lunch. When I had left work that day and headed towards the same bus stop it felt as if I had lost my last piece of my soul somewhere at work or God knows where. As if I had turned into a mindless zombie I dragged myself to the bus. But I did feel a bit of focus return to my head when I set my eyes on the black haired girl, Hyejoo.

She was here today as well, huh? Interesting. Perhaps even a bit worrying. Sure, she may end work at the same time as me and take the same bus. Even if there’s tons of completely logical theories about her suddenly appearing around me more and more, I couldn’t just not be paranoid about her planning this. Stalking me. But of course, I'm just being irrational. It’s only been two days that I've seen her… But I guess lately I’ve been more on guard. This much dreaming and thinking has put me in such a strange headspace. So very exhausted but still so jumpy and anxious. It was tiring.

Hyejoo looked up from her lit up phone screen when she heard my footsteps. Her lips showed a small smile and it looked like the slightest of weight her shoulders got off her when she locked eyes with me. The obsessive thoughts made me question her polite body language, perhaps she was puttin on an act.

“You’re here again, I see.” I start off.

She nodded softly, avoiding eye contact before looking at me with a serious expression. Her mouth opened and like she wanted to say something but she didn’t make a sound. It made me tilt my head in confusion.

“Sorry, but you look… sick. Close to dead almost. Are you really okay?” She stated with a worried gaze.

A heavy sigh left me feeling even worse, the knot in my stomach just got tighter. Great, the exhaustion is showing. That makes me feel even better.

“I… I didn’t know it was that obvious. But yeah, I’m okay,” I lied through my teeth.

Hyejoo also sighed and looked away for a second before setting her piercing gaze deep into my soul once again. Sure, she may be trying to be polite. But her eyes still cut through me as painfully as usual.

“Please, don’t overwork yourself. I know we haven’t talked in forever but I really want to help you out. Please don’t hesitate to ask for some help.”

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine on my own.” I left her with a dry and short reply before we both ended the conversation with forced smiles plastered on our lips. The ride back home that day was quiet, deafening quiet. I hardly made out a goodbye when I went off the bus.

When I was laying in my bed that night, waiting to fall asleep I couldn’t stop thinking about how unsettlingly polite Hyejoo was acting. She wasn’t screaming or crying out in rage. But maybe hiding it all deep inside of her and taking revenge in other ways. She did seem a bit irritated with my rejection for her help, but I could’ve been imagining it... 

Before I could continue on with my obsessive overthinking I try calm down. This wasn’t worth losing even more sleep on. Instead I roll over to my side and shut my eyes, falling asleep immediately

  
  
  


Morning sun hit my face, but I wasn’t in my bed. I was there again. In the tower. As expected at this point… In front of me laid an even bigger pile of feathers. Some big, while some smaller. Obviously coming from a huge variety of birds living by the sea. It made me a bit hopeful though. If there were birds, then there’s actual land nearby. 

Around the feathers there were, to my surprise, a bunch of papers scattered across the floor. Papers with detailed illustrations and notes with an unreadable handwriting. The illustrations portrayed a human with wings. Wings made of feathers glued upon their arms. It was amazing sketches and I could not stop admiring them with complete awe and curiosity. But, where did they get the papers from?

“Where- how did you get your hands-” I paused. Who am I to assume that the being has hands? I wouldn’t know. But I try to continue on. “Now, how did you get papers?”

The being answered with a sigh. “You’re not used to this world, I see. But everything physical works differently.”

“But can’t you just magic our way out then? Summon an airplane! A boat?” I babbled, dumbfounded but overflowing with new hope and excitement.

Rumbling laughter was now to be heard from the dark corner.

“Oh! You’re a genius, Chaewon… Just tell me, how in the world am I supposed to do that? Magic our way out of here? Bold of you to assume that I'm capable of any magic.” They chuckle, mockingly.

“But- Actually, yeah. Nevermind.” I didn’t want to argue with someone who probably knew more of the situation than I do. What’s common sense and logic in my world, isn’t the same thing here. Which is something that I just have to guess. I mean, that or I'm losing my mind completely.

My attention shifted towards the million of beautiful yet messy sketches.

“So, this the plan?” I guessed.

I got met with cold silence for a while, I opened mouth to repeat myself and looked over to the dark corner. Before I could make a noise though, they replied.

  
“You got it, and it’ll work out if you decide to actually help out for once” The being spat out, obviously upset.

It made me worried. Angering such a being like this, in here never sounds good. Even though it was a dream, I would rather be safe than sorry.

"I'm sorry, but. I have no clue how to stay... here. It's only a place created by my subconscious because of the stress and pressure I'm in. This is just a dream. Nothing of this is actually real." I chuckled when I had said that, heavily using my hands while explaining everything. This was such a weird dream.

"Just a dream…" The being hummed to itself. Repeating and tasting the sentence over and over again. As if they were trying to make it sink in. 

"Hmm, just a dream, huh? You know what? I like that way of wishing. Keep wishing." They said this time with a softer tone. 

The smile I had on my face quickly faded into nothingness. I looked over at the dark corner in confusion.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" I wondered, probably looking like a huge question mark.

"Maybe this so called dream is reality. But you and many others are too quick to assume it's a dream just because there's things that you're not used to. Things that you don't fully understand or can comprehend. Maybe this dream is reality and your reality is a dream. Perhaps it's all the same thing but in different worlds." They hypothesized, probably with starry and mysterious eyes. "Anyways, are you up for the plan?"

I furrowed my eyebrows slightly, trying to make any sense of what they just told me. But I was too tired. Almost too tired to let it sink in. 

“Yeah, sure thing. Anyways, are we flying out of here with feathers? How?” I change the subject.

“Yes, you’re coming with me I suppose?” 

“But… I don’t know. Is it even safe?” A sigh left my lips and I look towards the dark corner in worry.

“Nothing isn’t truly safe. As long as you don’t fly too high you’ll be fine.” They continued on, trying to comfort me. But I didn’t answer.

I slided down the stone wall towards the stone floor, I let my head rest on my hands nicely. No answer came out from me.

“I mean, it’s kind of our only way out. If you make up your mind then come around and tell me. Maybe I’ll go without you.” They concluded and before I know it I open my eyes.

  
  


I open my eyes to my dark room, I hadn't even woken up to my alarm yet. The digital alarm clock from beside me showed me the red glowing numbers of "05.58". I blink in confusion and shifted in my bed. As soon as I moved through, as scurrifying pain revealed itself from inside my head. Beating, and burning, driving me insane. Right then I noticed how hot I felt. It was enough to hardly hover my hand over my forehead to realize that I was fighting an extremely high fever.

It didn't take long for me to realize how badly my body was hurting as well. It felt a little funny almost, to become even weaker than I was before. I had to gather all of the little strength I had left to crawl out of bed. But when I tried to stand up, a bit too fast, my headache protested violently. It made me fall back onto the bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed trying to collect strength just to stand up was never a good sign, huh? I didn't realise I had gotten this sick.

Finally I got up. Slow and carefully I got up and walked over to my kitchen. Everything felt cloudy and fuzzy, almost like I was caught up in the middle of a dream. It made me think of what the creature had told me moments before. What if my reality is a dream? Maybe everything is the same thing but with different names? I never thought dreams could make me question such edgy and deep questions about life and reality. 

When I had taken some meds and basically swallowed a glass of water I slip back under my covers, hoping to feel a little better in a while. I fished up my phone from beside my bed and with hurting eyes I write to my boss. I write her how I was unable to come to work today due to my sudden and pretty bad cold. With a smile I also turned off my alarm that was supposed to go off in shorter than an hour. Finally I got to turn off my phone, letting my hurting head and eyes rest from that seemingly beaming light from the phone screen. 

And then there I found myself lying. Hardly living, existing, there under my covers of my bed. The meds helped a bit but I never really got better it seemed like. Hours turned to days. And those days almost turned to a week. I never really got better but something pleasant was that I hadn’t been dreaming whatsoever. My sleep has been peaceful and quiet. Don't get me wrong though, it's not like the reoccuring dreams had been scary. But they were just worrying, and bothering me. Something in me deep down knew that they were important. But for what?

After a while though, I ran out of cereal, bread and pasta. I had to get up, and get to the store.

The world outside seemed so obnoxiously loud and bright. Somehow I felt like a vampire, getting fried in the burning sun. Even if it was late December… 

I made my run to the store quick and hopefully painless, but it still managed to make me sweat in exhaustment. When I left the store I felt completely drained and hardly looked where I was going. Of course, I walked into someone. I started mindlessly apologizing until I recognised her. I had seen her before, at a bus stop many times now.

“Hyejoo..? Again?” I chuckled nervously. 

This felt off. This time it was early out in the day, at a different bus stop. How can we run into each other again,  _ here? _ Shouldn’t she be working? Or just be anywhere else than here?   
  
“Oh, we meet again!” She smiled brightly. But her face turned serious like how I had met her last time.

“You’re sick! And you carried yourself the store… Do you really have nobody to rely a little on? Please, let me help you.” She told me softly and took my phone from my hands. At first I got alarmed but I then realized she just added her number.

She handed my phone back but her touch lingered.

“I think I can handle it.” I told her, but realized how unsure I actually was at this point. Maybe I do need her help. 

“If you ever need help, don’t hesitate to reach out, alright?” Her eyes seemed genuine. I just didn’t know what to say… Does she actually not hate me?

“Is this your bus?” Hyejoo looked at the upcoming bus and back at me, I nodded.

“Please take care, I'm taking the other one.” 

Hyejoo voice got drowned out by the loud bus and I stepped on, waving towards the mysterious girl.

  
  


When I came home I felt hopeless and I was close to calling Hyejoo the whole day, I never did. At four in the afternoon I fell asleep, completely exhausted. Next thing I know, I'm met by warming sunlight. I was in the tower, after such a long time. 

“Come on! Let’s go! Make your wings with the feathers and the melted candle grease when you light the candle. I’ll be on my way, but you’ll catch up to me, I'm sure of it.” I heard a voice tell me. It was the voice from the being in the dark corner, but this time it didn’t come from the dark corner. But from outside the window. 

My first reaction was to look outside but I was too intimidated. I only laid my eyes on the shadow from the being in the stone floor. It had big flapping wings and some sort of body, it looked like it couldn’t decide on a shape. Something so fascinating yet something I couldn’t comprehend. Like it didn’t have a shape, or weight. Something from another world… Their dark corner where the being had stayed was gone. The being was free. I heard it in their voice. It sounded so light and young. Like a child that went playing in the snow. Completely unlike the monotone and petty voice that had been trapped in here with me.

When I heard the sound from their wings fade away I yelled my farewells to them. It felt bittersweet. Never did I realize how attached I got to the being in the dark corner, but I did. Even though they never really talked too nicely, they still helped me out. And I'm forever thankful for that. Hopefully I will manage to make wings and catch up to them. But at the same time, it felt amazing to not have them here nagging.

And then I went to work. I had to make my wings… It felt like an eternity, but honestly I wasn’t sure how long the wings took to make. Maybe an hour, months. Maybe even years? There was no way in telling, time flew funny. I couldn’t even remember if the sun ever went down. But when I finally stuck my last feathers to the wax on my arms, with the help of the sketches on the ground it felt unreal. Am I really getting out of here?

I walked up to the window and looked down. The ocean looked awfully friendly today. If I couldn’t actually fly, then it wouldn’t be a problem. And to add to that, this is all a dream. There’s not a big deal if I drown here. It’s just a dream. Or that's atleast what I wanted to believe that it was. It’s just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. Dream. Dream. Dream… But is it really? After after all of this I sure even questioned that. I didn’t feel like waiting any longer though. Time to fly free. Free like a bird through the sky.

I stepped out of the window and let myself fall. The wind hitting me made me tear up and my hair flow back. For a moment I gave up on the plan of flying and regretted it. But the few seconds of complete panic passed and I realized that with just a very few flaps of my wings I felt myself not fall any longer. I was free. I was full of complete euphoria. 

And I was flying.

Oh, people would have heard those sounds I made out in pure happiness. I hardly couldn’t see in front of my because of the tears of happiness filling my eyes. The feeling I got from getting out of that cramped and cold tower was indescribable. The amount of weight that got off my shoulders was truly amazing. I figured that the tower was something magical, manipulating my feelings and such. 

Now I was flying over the beautiful sea, peacefully. I had no clue how, but I was completely aware of where I was going. As if it was programmed deep in my head, an instinct.

  
  
  


I woke up that morning feeling a hundred times better. The fever have finally vanished and my body was full of energy. I was ready for what I was about to do. Before I could change my mind I called Hyejoo with a racing heart. She picked up after a while and I didn’t really have to say anything other than a quick greeting before the tears started falling. I guess she heard my sobbing and knew what was up, she told me to come to her place. So I did. I wasn’t sure what we were going to do there. But I was aware that she had some sort of plan, perhaps me living with her for a while. Or just hang out, I wasn’t sure. But I just knew I had to go.

She lived surprisingly close. Never would I thought that someone so… special lived so close. But she did. When I met her she greeted me with a hug and I felt like crying once again. Maybe I could finally get this mess together. We didn't say much and I just followed her to an apartment. Her apartment was very neutral with very subtly decorations, it felt pretty unlike her but then again… I don't know her anymore.

She showed me around a bit and asked if I needed some rest, before she showed me something. But I didn't need to. Instead we went through another door leading down some stairs. Down there, I found myself in a huge abandoned building, full of junk. It was most likely some kind of business that had went down there. Like perhaps a storage room for a company, or a store. I couldn’t tell.

"I know this may seem weird but I got access to this place. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I got it with my apartment… I never use it for anything. Other than what I'm about to show you. Follow me!" She explains and leads me up some stairs. I look down and see a bottom floor where a broken mattress was lying, with some bottles and such. 

My pulse went up dramatically when I realized how my situation looked like. I was getting to a place an old friend was leading me to, a friend that could potentially want to set me on fire in revenge. A friend that lived in an apartment next to an abandoned business building. This was more than scary. This was actually really dangerous. I actually got lightheaded after a while and extremely on my guard, ready to do a run back home. But for some reason I kept walking after Hyejoo.

She pushed open a door and I was met with some strong evening sunlight. She had led me to a beautiful rooftop with a view of the whole city in the middle of a sunset. I sighed out in relief. Maybe she wasn't going to murder me afterall? Perhaps she just wanted to show me this place. She looked back at me with a smile, and my vision completely blacked out. Everything got clear in my usually messy head and I fell down to the ground. The being from the dark corner had told me to watch out to getting too close from the sun. The sun that seemed nice and comforting was actually still detrimental. I was too close to the sun. 

I passed out. 

Around me were endless skies, below me clouds that were getting closer and closer. I had gotten too close to the sun and my new wings had gotten ruined. I was falling, falling down into the sea. My body was on fire, and I couldn't do anything other than wishing the ocean could swallow my body a little faster. When I fell through the clouds could see a bit around me. There was nothing other than just ocean all around me. No sight of any land or a sight of the tower from any directions.

The deafening sound of air flowing past my ears stopped when I hit the surface of the deep, deep ocean. Another deafening sound of the splash of water that led to complete silence when I started to sink. It was as if everything around me stopped. Every molecule just got set in slow motion. And I was sinking. Deeper and deeper. I saw the light of the sun above me get dimmer and dimmer. I didn't even have the energy to fight back, I knew this was how I was going to end up anyways. I didn't have the energy left to swim… no way. If I listened closely I think I could hear the distant songs of whales. Maybe I could become a ghost living by sea, listening to the whales sing songs. Because, this… This is it. This is where it ends. I guess I have nobody but myself to blame. But, I don't want this to end here. I want to live my life. I have so much I haven't done yet… like be happy with my life, make up with my friends, have a family, find who I really am. I can't just leave, leaving these unfinished stories to never get a chance to get finished. I don't want to die. I may be close to nonexistent. But I don't want to die. I don't want to die! 

My thoughts became louder, until they were screaming. And I suddenly I wasn't happy with how I was sinking, down towards the bottom of the sea. But suddenly, something very unexpected happened. It was a human. Diving into the sea, swimming towards me with outstretched arms. I couldn't make out a face. The lack of oxygen in my screaming burning lungs and head was making my eyesight blurry. But I think the person had long black hair.

They were close now though, and I reached out my hand. My hand that was see through, as if I was slipping away. Not only from my reality, but from this deeper reality as well. 

With a surprising strength they grab onto my hand. My hand that I was scared they wouldn't even get a grip of, just slide through. But they didn't, and soon I got closer and closer to the surface once again.

  
  


I threw my eyes open and take quick panicked breaths of air. actual air. 

"Hey, breathe… you're safe now. Try to calm down" A friendly voice told me.

I look up to see Hyejoo holding me tightly, her face was close to mine and I could see actual genuine emotions now clearly. Tears were threatening to come out and it was obvious her head was a mess.

Around me was the enormous building once again and I was laying on the bottom floor. On the broken mattress. My heart was beating as if it didn’t believe it still could, I myself was surprised. I thought I was done for.

“Hyejoo.. I was drowning.” I barely made out a whisper, I felt like I was more dead than alive at this point. But I sure still was alive.

“I know, I know.” Tears now ran down her cheeks uncontrollably, it was as if she finally allowed everything out. All of the pain and suffering of all these years she had spent in loneliness, as well as a bit of shame and regret.

“Chaewon. Fuck- I'm so sorry, from the bottom of my- of my heart.” She stuttered and sobbed. 

“How can I ever make this okay? I had planned everything out. Everything o-out for your… your death.” The words heavy as mountains finally left her chest and she looked like she was also about to pass out by just admitting it. At this point she couldn’t even look me in the eyes, and cried even harder.

“But I can’t let an old friend just… just  _ die  _ like that. I couldn’t. I was just caught up in this indescribable, burning anger. This wrath, consuming me. And I just wanted you gone. It felt like I had to, I needed to, to move on. B-but I know I wouldn’t be able to move on from being the cause of your death. Please, I'm so... so sorry.” She cried out and pulled me even closer, crying into my shoulder. I felt my shirt turn wet from her tears.

“I don’t know what to say, Hyejoo… I think I should be the one apologising. I'm so sorry.” I murmured, trying to make out words. I patted the back of her head.

She pulled away and looked me in the eyes, her hands landed on both of my cheeks. I felt how tears started falling from me as well.

“Could we, start- start over..?” Hyejoo asked, as if she hardly could make the courage to say it. I answered her with an enthusiastic nod, I couldn’t make a sound.

All that ran through my head was the relief. What a relief that we got each other now. We aren’t alone, and we are both so very alive and whole.


End file.
